I open my recycling bin which is already overflowing with cardboard boxes, La Croix cans, and paper bags and try to shove one more cut-down cardboard box in there.
“How the hell do we fill this bin every single week?”, I think. Surely, I am destroying the earth with my equivalent of a chain smoker’s La Croix and Amazon habit. I resolve to stick to the “one delivery with fewer boxes a week” option on Amazon and contemplate what an awful contributor to Earth I am.
But I guess the thing is, if I cared that much, I would have fixed this issue months, no, years ago along all my other faults like being an inattentive parent, an anxious sleeper, a distant friend, a distracted wife, an overly emotional employee and leader, and…shall I go on?
The worst part about all of this negative spiral of thinking is that I have everything I have ever wanted.
Honestly, most of the overly stressed elder-millenials I interact with on a regular basis do too. What a life!
This is the part that kills me the most. That I can’t appreciate all that I have. Alas, it’s the human condition to look for what is next, to wonder why we haven’t achieved more.
Yet we look at each other bleary-eyed – especially the moms – with this knowing look of what it feels like to maintain all of this awesomeness.
It takes never messing up. Never going out dancing, having too many drinks, staying out too late, and waking up relieved that you can just relax all day, and maybe around 5 PM have some super unhealthy meal.
What kind of stupid writing is this? I don’t even really like to dance!
Anyways, the point is that this age is awesome and it absolutely sucks. We are at the height of our powers, our earning potential, our ability to care for others and at the height of responsibility – our kids that need everything, taking care of aging parents, and trying to impress our bosses and teams.
After all, the mortgage has gotta get paid. The organic vegetables have gotta get purchased.
Surely this is the most spectacular, beautiful time in my life with incredible learnings if I could only get out from the weight of it all and appreciate every moment just like I should. If we all could.